How Old is Peter Pan? What Psychology Teaches Us
“ All children, except one, grow up.”
The case of Peter Pan, the boy who would not grow up, is an enigma, as there is little information regarding his history. We do not even know his age. When we first meet Peter, he states that he flew away from home—all babies can fly until they are taught that they can't—when he was less than a week old because his parents were discussing what he would grow up to be (Barrie, 2015); however, from various developmental factors, I will endeavor to prove that he is between seven and eight years old. I will do this by examining numerous developmental milestones, theories, and models.
“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.”
― J.M. Barrie
Physical Development
Peter Pan is a boy who will never grow up, and although his age is a mystery, we learn a lot from what we know. He is a little boy who is likely English because his family lives near Kensington Gardens in London. All the information we have about his biological family is that one day, after being gone for at least several months, when Peter returned home, he saw that his mom had “replaced him” with a new baby. Seeing this made him feel she abandoned and did not care for him. Without his parents, he was raised by birds until he returned to Kensington Gardens to stay with the fairies. Now, he lives in a tree in the forest with the Lost Boys, and occasionally, he comes to stay with the fairies. Under these extraordinary circumstances, he showed incredible resilience and was described as always being joyful and having a deep love for playing music (Barrie, 2015). Though it is important to consider that this is more likely due to denial and avoidance of feelings which are maladaptive coping strategies.
Much of what we know about Peters' physical development comes from his first interaction with Wendy. She is the oldest of the three Darling children, though their exact ages are not specified. Through conjecture, we can reason that the children are each about two years apart in age, and given that Michael, the youngest, is likely around three or four years old, based on his limited dialogue in the book, this would place Wendy's age at approximately nine or ten years old. In the story's context, this seems developmentally appropriate for her—though that is a paper for another time. Given this understanding of Wendy, it is notable that she and Peter are of equal height. (Barrie, 2015). Boys are slightly taller than girls between the ages of six and ten. We can assume that Wendy has not started her adolescent growth spurt, which would lead her to be taller than the average boy (Wong et al., 2020). Thus, if she and Peter are about the same height, Peter is probably a year or two younger than Wendy. We also learn that Peter still has his baby teeth, which makes him no older than eight. With these physical characteristics noted, I claim he is about seven years old. I will continue to prove this by showing that his psychological development is congruent with that of a seven-year-old.
“He was a lovely boy, clad in skeleton leaves and the juices that ooze out of trees; but the most entrancing thing about him was that he had all his first teeth.”
Peter and Wendy: Peters Understanding of Gender
The relationship between Peter and Wendy illustrates Peter's understanding of gender at his age; he recognizes that she is different from him when he complements her by saying that one girl is worth 20 boys. However, Peter is not interested in Wendy as anything other than a stand-in mother who tells him stories and cares for him and the Lost Boys. This is not true for Wendy, who wants to kiss him upon their first meeting. She later asks him about his feelings towards her, to which he replies cluelessly that she is strange and that Tiger Lily (another girl in Neverland) is also odd, stating, “There is something she wants to be to me, but she says its not my mother” (Barrie, 2015, p. 108). Peter does not intend to be callous; he is just unaware that there is anything else that a girl can be to a boy other than a mother.
One girl is worth more than twenty boys.”
―J.M. Barrie
The Lost Boys: Social Hierarchy
For a seven-year-old boy, friendship is about quantity, not quality; Peter’s relationship to the Lost Boys shows us many things. We see he has developed a social self-concept by being sure all the Lost Boys wear bearskins instead of skeleton leaves and tree sap as he does. This behavior can be seen as Peters attempts to distinguish himself from the group and not blend in while simultaneously establishing himself as the group's leader. He also engages in social comparisons as we see he does not allow the other boys to know things he does not know, e.g., he doesn't know what twins are, so the rest of the boys don’t know either, making the set of twins in the group need to stay in the background when Peter is there (Barrie, 2015).
As we investigate the social hierarchy of the Lost Boys, we learn that Peter has prosocial qualities that lead him to be the group leader (Koski, Xie, & Olson, 2015). Furthermore, he is in what Erik Erikson calls the industry vs. inferiority stage of development. Although he does not have traditional parents, he has been praised throughout his life for being talented in various skills, from playing the pipe to sword fighting. This constant praise and lack of recognition of his failures from the lost boys and fairies have resulted in an inflated sense of industry or simply, overconfidence. This makes him known as a cocky boy, who claims the credit when Wendy sews his shadow back on and leads to the destain of Captain Hook—that and Peter having cut off Hook's hand and feeding it to a crocodile.
Peter is the leader of the Lost Boys, but they are also his friends. Selman and Schultz (1990) teach that the development of friendship happens in five stages. Peter's command over the Lost Boys suggests that he operates at stage one, which is characterized by an unreflective expression of enthusiasm and a clear display of unilateral power through his authoritative orders. However, when he persuades Wendy to come to Neverland, it indicates that he is beginning to engage in a more reflective sharing of similar perceptions and experiences, which shows a shift to the second stage. However, as a general rule, throughout the book, the Lost Boys follow Peter every rule and treat him like the leader he claims to be.
Good Form: Moral Development
Peter likes the rules in their games because he is the one who has been making them. He is in charge, and has no parents tell him what to do. Although this is not to say there are no adults in Neverland, there are Native Americans and pirates. The leader of the pirates is Captain Hook, whom we mentioned briefly earlier. When Peter and Hook's sword fight and Peter disarms Hook, instead of killing Hook as he has done to many other pirates, he allows Hook time to pick up his sword before they resume the fight. Nevertheless, Hook cheats and bites Peter. It was “Not the pain of this [bite], but its unfairness was what dazed Peter. It made him quite helpless. He could only stare, horrified. Every child is affected, thus the first time he is treated unfairly” (Barrie, 2015, pp. 94-95).
Peters' shock is understandable when you realize he is in what Jean Piaget calls the heteronomous stage of moral development. This is the understanding that rules and norms, or “good form,” are unchangeable (Hammond, 2014). When Hook displays “bad form” by breaking the rules of the fight, Peter cannot comprehend what happened. This eventually leads to Peter kicking Hook to the crocodile (Barrie, 2015). This display of “bad form” from Peter shows he has moved to an autonomous understanding of morality where norms and rules are negotiable (Hammond).
The Window Was Barred: Attachment
Attachment is a critical factor in healthy development, and unfortunately for Peter Pan, as a baby, he left to explore. This shows he began as a securely attached child; he felt comfortable exploring because he believed his mother would leave the window open whenever he would return (Fletcher & Gallichan, 2016), but he lost track of time, and upon returning home, many months had passed; when he tried to get in, the window was barred, and his mother had a new baby. Peter believed she replaced him, leading him to believe she was unreliable and untrustworthy, shifting him from a secure attachment to an insecure one (Wong et al., 2020). He tries to show that he is brave and unaffected by losing his mom, but you see signs throughout the story that this moment actually affected him deeply. Bowlby posits that the primary attachment figure in a child's life is typically the mother; in Peter's case, he never references his father and expresses profound pain stemming from his mother's abandonment. In a passing comment, Sigmund Freud would likely make the case that Peter's love of playing the pipe would be symptomatic of his oral fixation.
This emotional background suggests a significant deficiency in empathy, coupled with notable aggression, which may indicate a growing risk for mental health challenges in the future. Peter's attachment style appears insecure, which is vividly illustrated by his propensity for violence (Wong et al., 2020). This tendency is demonstrated after Tootles shoots Wendy; Peter shows a readiness to kill Tootles, highlighting the depths of his turmoil and the effects of his fractured familial relationships.
One could argue that Peters' strong desire for leadership may stem from a deep-seated need for significance and validation. This longing is likely rooted in his insecure attachment to his parents, leaving him to feel neglected or abandoned. This drives Peter to assert dominance to secure a sense of importance and belonging. By seeking leadership, Peter may strive not only for personal recognition but also to create a support system that mitigates the fear of being alone or rejected. We see this fear of abandonment play out when Wendy convinces the Lost Boys to go home with her; Peter puts on a public show of being unaffected, but when he is alone, he is furious. Peter believed that in Neverland, when you breathe, an adult dies, and when he was by himself, he began to breathe rapidly to kill all the adults (Barrie, 2015).
“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take part in anything, they must just look on forever.”
― J.M. Barrie
The Second Star to The Right: Demographics
Peter's environment could be similar to someone living below the poverty line. As we look at Peter's environment through the lens of the Bronfenbrenner Systems Approach, we recognize that Peter is influenced by and influences the people close to him, the Lost Boys, Tinkerbell, and now Wendy and her brothers. Peter and Wendy act as the boys' parents, and he is responsible for providing for them. Sometimes, he does this by providing real food, and others, he provides imaginary food because, to Peter, make-believe and real life are all the same (Barrie, 2015). We also recognize that Peter has no access to school, which is a critical aspect of development as it allows for structured education, which he lacks, and diverse social opportunities.
With the presence and interaction with the pirates and native Americans in Neverland, one could make a case that he is experiencing interactions with a diverse set of individuals. However, this interaction takes place in the form of fighting and even killing. Therefore, I will not make the case that these are positive interactions. He also strictly chooses to associate with children who are nearly his age. “When they seem to be growing up, which is against the rules, Peter thins them out” (Barrie, 2015, p. 52). It is unclear what this means exactly; one can assume that it is not a healthy way to manage your social groups.
This brings us to the curiosity of Peter Pan; he doesn't age, but those around him do. We can examine the effect of not aging by focusing on Bronfenbrenners concept of the chronosystem: Aging is a multifaceted process that involves not only the natural progression and maturation of an individual over time but also the significant influence of the era and environment in which that individual exists. This interplay between personal growth and the surrounding societal dynamics shapes one’s experiences, perspectives, and overall development throughout life (Crawford, 2020); however, you have Peter, who refuses to be affected by these elements. Time does not affect Peter as it does the world around him; this is metaphorically illustrated by Captain Hook, an adult, being followed by a crocodile who had swallowed a clock. Hook is genuinely terrified of that crocodile—not just because it’s a crocodile—but because it represents his aging and the fact that he can’t outrun time itself.
Spring Cleaning: Potential Therapeutic Interventions
By the end of the story, the Darlings have all returned home, and even the Lost Boys are adopted into the Darling family. But Peter refuses to stay and grow old for fear that one day he will wake up and have an office job and a beard. This leads him to fly away after Wendy promises to return to Neverland with him for spring cleaning (Barrie, 2015). This continual fleeing from society and personal responsibility associated with growing up places him in a dangerous situation, developmentally and physically.
I recommend individual counseling to assist Peter Pan as we recognize his developmental challenges. Given Peter's intense need to maintain his image, he would likely not open up and feel comfortable talking freely about his emotions as he would likely perceive this as weak. This is why a one-on-one approach would be more conducive to his making progress in the therapeutic process. Once he has shown openness and willingness to engage in therapy, then incorporating elements of group therapy may prove effective.
Peter may respond well to solution-focused therapy, as it is not focused on the past or even the future but on solving present problems. With his tendency to problem-solve and develop ideas, I believe he would find this approach effective. An alternative option could be reality therapy. This approach emphasizes personal responsibility and helps individuals understand the reasons for their various behaviors. By allowing Peter to connect his choices to his underlying desires and the repercussions on his relationships with others, we can foster a greater sense of accountability and promote healthier interactions (Wong et al., 2020).
A key focus of Peter's therapy is implementing choice theory. This would encourage Peter to reflect on the consequences of his behaviors and how his choices impact various facets of his life (Wong et al., 2020). By guiding Peter to consider the effects of his decision to engage in conflicts, precisely his tendency to kill pirates, we can help him recognize alternative behaviors that lead to positive outcomes.
Ultimately, combining these therapeutic approaches can empower Peter to make more constructive choices, provide techniques for navigating his developmental concerns effectively, and cultivate a deeper understanding of himself and his actions. Let me conclude with a philosophical question: If we remove Peter from his current situation, where he is described as free and joyful, and instead train him to conform to societal norms, whose life would truly be better?
References
Barrie, J. M. (2015). Peter Pan. Canterbury Classics.
Crawford, M. (2020). Ecological Systems theory: Exploring the development of the theoretical framework as conceived by Bronfenbrenner. J Pub Health Issue Pract, 4(2), 170.
Fletcher, H. K., & Gallichan, D. J. (2016). An overview of attachment theory: Bowlby and beyond. Attachment in intellectual and developmental disability: A clinician's guide to practice and research, 8-32.
Hammond, S. I. (2014). Children’s early helping in action: Piagetian developmental theory and early prosocial behavior. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 759. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00759
Koski, J. E., Xie, H., & Olson, I. R. (2015). Understanding social hierarchies: The neural and psychological foundations of status perception. Social neuroscience, 10(5), 527-550.
Selman, R. L., & Schultz, L. H. (1990). Making friends in youth: Developmental theory and pair therapy. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.
Wong, D. W., Hall, K. R., & Wong Hernandez, L. (2020). Counseling individuals through the
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